Dear diary,

I realised I started this open online diary to talk openly about my mental illness and life advice, hopefully helping someone out there that need to know someone else has/is going through the same issues.

So I’ve done something I never thought I’d do, and quite honestly it made me anxious doing this, but I did it in the hope to help at least one person.

I googled “what/when/why/where/who anxiety” and I’ve now answered the most googled question! And if you have anxiety I recommend you do the exact same thing to hopefully cause a chain reaction to help others.

Here’s why. 

1) why anxiety develops?

Personally, nothing developed my anxiety, I think I’ve always had a problem with myself. My anxiety has always been apart of me and it’s something as far back as I can remember, but I suppose my first proper panic attack happened when my nan passed away – I’m not going into it as I’ve already talked about it. 

2) why anxiety is good?

I suppose in a way, it’s brought me closer to people who also have anxiety, it gave me a whole new understaning as to why people can become closed off and that by going through the same things as that person you have that ability to empathize, it’s made me who I am today (cheesy cliche, but it’s true).

3) why anxiety at night?

I’m assuming this is meant to be why does anxiety occur mostly at night? I think this to me is because when its night and you try to sleep you have so much time to think and over think anything and everything you’ve done that day and quite honestly things you’ve done seven years ago.

 I’m hoping this helps someone out there. 

My thoughts are with you.



Dear Diary

Quite honestly, I’m realising now how scary life can be if you put yourself out there. I have literally been writing this blog for years and though it wasn’t always online, I have been writing in journals since I can remember. However, ever since I have been putting up my life on here, I feel as if I should tell you more.

I am turning twenty in three weeks and four days. I am currently dating an English man. I am obsessed with make-up and the art form that it is. I also have an obsessive personality.

And quite honestly, I feel like I need to be completely honest with you about something I care about. Film and television.

I know it can sound awfully weird and slightly geeky. But, that’s what I do.

So from now on, every now and again on this blog you can expect more about film and television.

Have an amazing day & night.



Dear you,

I am excited to talk about something i have a big passion for.

Television programmes. Specifically the ones that talk about important issues

Don’t get me wrong I love fantasy where you can escape this shitty world and find a different one where your problems don’t matter, but at the end of the day you still have to come back to reality.

That’s why Th1rteen R3asons Why, might be one of the most beautiful television programmes to appear on Netflix. It is so heartbreakingly accurate to most average high schools.

For those who have not seen it yet, I’ll try my best not to spoil it, but I really do recommend you watch it. 

To avoid spoilers, I’ll use the blurb of the book it was based on.

‘Clay Jensen returns home to find a strange package with his name on it. Inside he discovers several cassette tapes recorded by Hannah Baker – his classmate and first love – who committed suicide two weeks earlier.

Hannah’s voice explains there are thirteen reasons why she killer herself. Clay is one of them. If he listens, he’ll find out why.

All through the night, Clay keeps listening – and what he discovers will change his life forever.’ 

To say this kind of subject is still made taboo even with it being the second most common reason for death in teenagers and young people. So, why am I writing this?

Personally, watching it, a season that takes roughly thirteen hours to watch, I completed Th1rteen R3asons Why in under twenty four hours, slightly sad I’m well aware, however as a media student it is hard to impress me with any kind of text, this on the other hand, talks about things that we as humans should be able to talk about. 

(It also gives trigger warnings to anything that is seen as harmful/uncomfortable to viewers.)

Th1rteen r3asons why shows real life problems and focuses these problems in a high school location: which is amazing, because it shows so many people that even in high school you can go through these problems.

Anyway, i do highly recommend you go and watch the TV series on Netflix.

And if you are having suicidal thoughts and or know someone who may be know there are ways to get through this, don’t try and face this by yourself.

If you are feeling suicidal please contact any of these links:

  • SupportLine Telephone Helpline: 01708 765200, email or write to SupportLine at PO Box 2860, Romford, Essex RM7 1JA – Provides emotional support and details of support groups, helplines, agencies and counsellors throughout the UK

  • Calm: 0800 – Campaign Against Living Miserably Help and support for young men aged 15-35 on issues which include depression and suicide.

  • HopeLine UK – 0800 068 4141 – for practical advice on suicide prevention

  • Lifeline (N.Ireland) 
    0808 808 8000
    For anyone in N.Ireland who is in distress or despair. Immediate help on phone 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Face to face counselling can be arranged, also befriending, mentoring. Issues dealt with include suicide prevention, self harm, abuse, trauma, depression, anxiety. 
    Run by Contact N.Ireland independent counselling service employing professional qualified counselors who have extensive experience of working with people facing a wide range of problems, free to all users.

  • Premier Lifeline
    0300 111 0101 
    Helpline providing a listening service, information, emotional and spiritual support from a Christian perspective

  • Samaritans:
    Helpline: 116 123
     (free of charge from a landline or mobile)
    24 hr helpline offering emotional support for people who are experiencing feelings of distress or despair, including those which may lead to suicide

Useful websites

    In memory of Charlie Waller – awareness, information and resources for those who are depressed

    Others who have been bereaved by suicide share their experiences
    Day to day support service and crisis support to help reduce suicide, depression and other stress related illnesses to service users who are in need of emotional support and encouragement. Instant online support for any person who may be experiencing something in their life which they may be finding difficult to cope with. Also peer to peer support facilitated and monitored through facebook by trained admins where service users support each other through discussion, topics and open forums


  • – Points of contact for those feeling down, depressed and/or suicidal

  • – Supportive site for men who suffer from depression and/or suicidal thoughts

Thank you to for providing different help lines.

All my love, hoping you are safe.


Dear you,

Period. Period. Period.

I know 1/5 people who read this will find talking about periods vile and uncomfortable, but I am here to ask why?

What’s wrong with the blood coming out of me? I wouldn’t find it horrific if your arm was bleeding, so why is it different if it does from my vagina?

I understand that it can be uncomfortable to men who obviously don’t bleed once a month, however, to those who have a girlfriend or sister or female best friends or in some cases girls who cannot get used to to the idea of blood. I would like to say nothing i say is meant to come across as harsh or rude, it’s simply that i refuse to be looked at as disgusting for something i simply cannot help.

I bleed.

I bleed because there is no baby inside me. And yet, I’m disgusting?


Yet, if i didn’t bleed and I had a baby at 19 would I be looked down on as a human being? Of course by certain people, they would look at me and say I had my whole life in front of me? That a baby is a precious thing that I will never truly love them because they stopped my life, made me leave my current life to help their own.

But that’s not true, women who give birth young have been amazing mum, I know many people who have made an even better life for themselves because they’ve got themselves something to live for and something to truly love.

And i don’t care – I know I’m bleeding and I’m proud.

And i know what I’ve written today isn’t polished, but it’s okay. 

I’m bleeding and yes, I’m tired because of it.

I hope you’re well and you’re happy


Dear Diary

I want to keep saying sorry for all the times I’ve wanted to keep writing but couldn’t, I love blogging my mind and keeping my heart open, but university just come first.

I miss a lot of things, coming back from university makes me realise that. I hate not seeing some of my oldest and best friends, I hate not being around my family, and I hate not having time for myself. 

But don’t worry, this isn’t a reasons why I hate university post.

I’ve been in a long distance relationship for half a year now, and originally I was scared, I didn’t want to be hurt, but now I’m more in love than I ever thought possible. I’m saying this because even though my friends know I’m happy I still can’t quite explain the feeling that I have. 

I love someone, meaning their life effects me every single day, seeing them sad, hurt or angry almost kills me inside, I need them around me or I feel lonely.

Why am I telling you this?

Because I am someone who loves her family in Wales.

And I am someone who has fallen in love with her boyfriend from England.

And I know others may be going through this, may be hurting, feeling lonely.

I’m just here to say, no matter what, how far away they are. You are allowed to be lonely, but never feel unloved.

Always here, even when I’m not.

Soph x

Dear you,

It’s been quite a while, I know.

I apologise.

I’m not the best with sticking to things, but this blog has become something I’m proud of.

Anyway, the reason I was gone so long is *long dramatic pause* I’m back in university.

Don’t worry, I’m actually happy about being back. I genuinely love my university life and have done now for the last two years.

However, it is weird coming back for my second year.

I’m also aware however that I have been in university now since September (the last time I wrote) oops! Sorry – guess I needed to work out a schedule, though I promise I will write more now! BUT do forgive me if I do miss a week or two, unfortunately I can’t say that university is just me drinking and cwtching with my friends – not how it works! I do have a few assignments!


I just wanted to give you a little advice if you’re thinking of going to uni/starting this September!

  1. Pack! Pack! Pack! – Please don’t believe you can leave it to the last minute, you will 100% forget something!
  2. Freshers Flu is very real! – You will get ill and yes it will suck, but don’t you worry, you get better soon!
  3. Enjoy it while you can. – My first year went SO quickly!
  4. Mixing with several groups of people can be quite frustrating and can cause drama, but you’ll meet more people this way – it’s really up to you who you want to be friends with, don’t force yourself to like anyone!
  5. Your sleeping pattern will become completely screwed! – so try and be productive, most university libraries are open 24/7, or start reading a book you’ve wanted to for a while!
  6. You will meet people who aren’t like you at all – quite honestly, these are the people you should give a chance, you’ll probably get on with them a lot more because they’ll introduce you to new things.
  7. You don’t have to drink if you don’t want to. – I hate missing out, I always used to feel really anxious about not being there when everyone is out, but seriously I realised this year that if you want to go out, you don’t have to drink, just go out and laugh with your slightly intoxicated friends.

Again, I’m sorry for long wait for another post, I promise to get back on track soon enough!


love always

Sophie x

Dear you,

Sometimes we all feel down or alone. Sometimes we try to avoid how we feel and sometimes we find ways of expressing ourselves, though they have consequences.

I push people away, and write.

A Poem.

Hi, I’m a disappointment.
I’m the youngest of three,
Nothing new there
Hi, I’m a disappointment.
I got good grades in my GCSEs and A-Levels,
but it doesn’t really matter.
Nothing new there.
Hi, I’m a disappointment.
I’m usually on my phone,
but when I’m off – no one speaks.
Nothing new there.
Hi, I’m a disappointment.
I’m overly sensitive,
But I’m an adult – and I get told to stop crying.
Nothing new there.
Hi, I’m a disappointment.
You’re thinking I’m complaining over nothing,
Stereotypical teenage angst right?
Then why are you still reading?
Whatever right.
Nothing knew there.
Hi, I’m a disappointment.
I can’t handle my feelings,
and therefore can’t stay stable.
Nothing new there.
Hi, I’m a disappointment.
I worry about my future –
If I have one.
Nothing new there.
Hi, I’m a disappointment.
I dress how I like and get judged,
By about five different reasons.
‘Too short’
‘Too dark’
‘Too different.’
Once again, nothing new there.
Hi, I’m a disappointment.
But I’m the only disappointment I’m going to get.


Don’t worry about me. I’m okay. Just a little sad sometimes – but that’s okay.

I hope you’re happy and I hope you have a good morning tomorrow.