Dear you,

‚ÄčOn my first blog post I wrote about how I didn’t want sympathy or anything like that, and that’s still the case. However, recently I’ve just been inspired to write from the experiences in my personal life.

During my nineteen years of life, I’ve been through several kinds of mental illnesses, and I’m terribly tired of pretending that mental illness doesn’t exist or isn’t important enough to talk about. I suffer with anxiety, social anxiety to be specific. I’m also not going to attempt to define my mental illness because everyone who suffers with anxiety knows it is different to every individual who suffers with the condition. I personally suffer with anxious thoughts. For example, I am constantly thinking I’m doing something wrong or constantly think I’m hurting people by simply talking to them. Then one step further than that, I suffer with panic attacks, which put me in a state of mental isolation and fear. And though it has only happened once or twice, it can happen where I’ve made myself physically sick by making myself anxious.

Now to the more important part – why am I telling you this? 

To that I answer with – why shouldn’t I? Why is there stigma attached to my mental health? Why can’t I openly talk about something that I deal with every day? It’s the same with depression, whom a member of my family has had to deal with as of recent. And it kills me watching them pretend nothing is happening, and that it’s bad for them to even think that what’s wrong with them is something to be ashamed of.

It’s not. They shouldn’t have to feel alone. That’s not alright.

At one point in life, when I first started suffering with panic attacks, I got so paranoid that I was a freak – I didn’t say anything, when I started feeling anxious I’d hide away and not tell anyone what was happening. I don’t want anyone to feel the way I once felt – don’t be upset with who you are, it’s not embarrassing to suffer with anxiety or depression and the only reason people don’t talk about it more is the ignorance of the subject. I beg you to speak up and stop the pain staking ignorance surrounding mental illnesses!
There shouldn’t be a stigma attached to you for how you live. Your mental health is not a choice. It’s okay to not be okay (Sorry for the poor choice of stereotypical quotation) but it is true, I’m not okay, but I will be, I’ll have good days and I’ll have down days but it’s okay that I suffer with anxiety and it’s okay that my family member suffers with depression, because we are allowed to be different, we are allowed to be human.
No matter whom you are or what you go through in life: it is okay to be open and to be okay with your mental illness.

Keep safe 

Sophie

I’d also like to thank Chris who helped me write this, he’s actually started a new blog, hoping people who are too scared to openly talk about their mental health – feel free to go over there and open your heart out and start a future where we have no stigma attached to mental health. (I’ll link the new blog soon) 

Dear you,

“You never know what’s around the corner.”

A phrase you’ll probably hear from your parents or family members at some point in your life, and if you’re anything like me, you’ll bloody hate it.

I never liked hearing this because it’s just another way of saying you’ll never be prepared for what’s coming up in life.

And I hated not knowing what’s going to happen.

However, that’s changed. 

I don’t know whether it used to be my anxiety, but I hated not knowing what was going to happen, now I much prefer it.

I like knowing that anything could happen, that next week my life could be changed for the better. 

You’ve got to look at life with the glass half full, and though there will be days where it’s the last thing you want to do – think about it, if you really feel rock bottom, that your anxiety is making you lie face down and cry, you do that, but know that it can only get better and next week even though you may stay sad for a while, someone of something could come into your life by the next week that changed your perspective of life.

It’s okay to be sad, but don’t think your life is over just because: you got a bad grade, your boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with you, your friends mad at you…things heal with time and life can only get better.

And I know life can get pretty bad and being down seems the best option but if I give you a glass completely full, you need to drink it so I can refill it. 

However, if you really are past the point of glass half empty, there will be people in your life that want to help and keep refilling your glass, and if you feel like you’ve got no one, please I recommend writing whether it’s a private journal or online, because ranting to yourself can help so much, and when you’re ready posting online can give you the chance to help others. 

I know that this has been such a ramble but I hope you hear what I’m saying and this can help you or someone you know.

I hope you’re happy and have your favourite food in the cupboard.

Soph 

Dear you,

It’s peculiar isn’t it? I write to you most days and talk to you about my opinions and problems etc, yet you don’t know me, well you don’t know much about me.
So, even though this isn’t what I plan on doing with my blog – I do want you to know who’s diary you’re reading.
(and please, feel free to answer these questions in the comments or do your own on your blog so I can read it and learn more about you!)

What’s your name?

My name is Sophie, but everyone mainly calls me Soph.

How old are you?

I just turned 19 on the 07/07/16. (Weird birthday I know!)

Where are you from?

Wales, Cardiff. It’s alright here, lots of sheep.

What do you look like?

On my last post, I posted a picture of myself, feel free to look at that!
But, as a description – I’m 5ft”3 and a half, I’ve got dip dyed hair from brown to blonde. I’ve got dark brown eyes and “olive skin” as my mam tells me.

Any piercings/tattoos?

I have three piercings at the moment, my lobes (typical), my navel (bellybutton) and my helix (top of my ear).
I’ve currently got no tattoos, however I’m in the midst of planning my first! (and yes, of course I will blog about it!)

What do you do with your life?

Well, let me just face palm the floor and have an existential crisis…
AHH.
Well, now that I’ve done that… I’m currently studying in University, whilst holding a retail job some spare money!

What do you study?

I’m a media and communications student, yeah just an over glorified nerd to be honest.

What’s your favourite band/artist?

I’m a big music nerd, I don’t really classify as having a favourite genre, I will honestly give any artist a listen and a go. However, I do love All Time Low.

Favourite colour?

Green.

Do you have any pets?

I do, I have a very handsome lab-retriever named Bertie.

Do you have any siblings?

I have two older half sisters, however, I never seen them as any different as my full sisters.

Favourite movie?

I am obsessed with The Breakfast Club, Breakfast at Tiffany’s and most musicals (lol media nerd)

Favourite book?

Perks of Being a Wallflower & How to be Normal

Favourite TV shows?

I am OBSESSED with The Walking Dead, Pretty Little Liars, How I Met Your Mother, F.R.I.E.N.D.S and Melissa and Joey.

Well, I feel very open now, and I hope you’ve enjoyed reading a little more about me? I hope you have. I hope you’re okay and I hope you’re hydrated!

Please feel free to ask me any more questions, I am more than happy to answer you. We could become online friends!

Anyway, hoping you the best!

Sophie

Dear you,

How are you today? I feel like I never ask.
I wanted to talk about obsession.
I have a very obsessive personality. I know that sounds weird.
However, I’m just one of those people that once I’ve found something/one I like or love, I become very happy – which is important, yet I do almost become obsessive.

NOW, this doesn’t mean I become a stalker – that isn’t what my type of “obsessive personality”. It just means I make a big part of life about the thing/person I’ve become obsessed with. Here are a few examples:

  1. I love Pokemon & yes, that means I love Pokemon Go, I’m obsessed with playing, however I’m not letting it take over my life (I promise!) I do enjoy going outside and walking for hours playing, but I don’t just do that, I walk my dog, and I still give myself that 2 hours a day where I don’t touch my phone.
  2. I love YouTube, I love watching people and all the different kinds of content there is on one website – it’s just another version of escaping, it’s great. However, I won’t spend my entire day watching everyone I’m subscribed to.
  3. I’m obsessed with reading Blogs, now you may not know this but if ANYone leaves a comment on my posts or likes anything or follows me, I 100% go to their blog and pretty much read EVERYthing posted – however, I won’t do that everyday.
  4. I’m obsessed with my dog. I have a fox red Lab-retriever named Bertie. He’s the most handsome dog (to me anyway, not that I’m bias.) He makes me happy and I love being around him. However, when I’m in university I do miss him, but I won’t let myself get distracted when I’m doing work, thinking about him.
    (Photos of my dog and my Pokemon obsession at the bottom)!

So, that’s just to name a few.

I just want to know more about the people who read my blog/open diary, do you relate to my obsessive personality? Or are you the complete opposite? Not getting obsessed with anything you enjoy?

Hoping you are safe and hydrated,

 

Sophie

Dear you,

This image, this is simply a woman. A smart, beautiful woman who has an amazing job and is good at that job.

Is there anything wrong with this? I personally think not.

BUT APPARENTLY THERE IS. 

There have been several complaints about this woman’s dress/skirt at this year’s Olympics coverage. “It’s too short – it makes me uncomfortable”.

What? 

How?

Why? 

Are you kidding me? I’m not a pushy person, nor would I want any reader to feel pushed, however I’m telling you right now what I’m about to say is fully MY opinion and an explanation to why I’m angry/upset by these statements.

It’s 2016, and we are living in a day and age where a woman can’t be looked up to if she’s wearing something above the knee – why? It doesn’t make her any less professional. She also did the job well – may I add. 

I would like to know why a woman can’t wear a skirt without being classed as uncomfortable or unprofessional. What is wrong with society that a woman showing her knee is sexualised? 

Why is it a man can go on television shirtless and have it be fine? And if a women were to follow – it’s on television because she’s been arrested.

And to add, I’m not saying men don’t have issues with equality and feminism. If a man claims to have issues with himself he’s suddenly “gay” “too emotional”, why? Why can’t a man be anxious about himself. It’s hard to be a man in this world when the definition of man is muscle and macho – no. This isn’t a man. This is merely one idea of what a man could be. 

But back to the point – why? Why can this smart woman not dress how she wants? What is so uncomfortable about her? 

In my opinion, nothing. 

She is just another inspiration.

Hoping you well, and understand my opinion,

Sophie 

Dear you,

You can’t save everyone. 

I’ve been watching so many videos about how people deal with loss, and it’s weird how the first thought in everyone’s head is “how can I save them? How can I help?” Sometimes you can’t. You can’t save everyone.

When I was younger, I lost my nan. I was only little, but I knew something was wrong, my nan was always attached to tubes, which I later found out was oxygen, she was very sick. 

Now I loved my nan, she meant a lot to me and I was so scared of losing her. I wanted to save her.

She was constantly ill and it killed me a little inside, now the only problem with saying this story is people saying – everyone passes eventually, but I was about 11 years old when my nan passed away and I was completely and utterly heartbroken.

I was very depressed, I felt alone and I went to a dark place. I never really talked to my mother or father about it because I didn’t want them to know I was dying inside, they were sad enough.

I blamed myself, I don’t know why. And I never told my parents that. 

It hurt me so bad that I don’t think I ever got over my nan being gone. I got stronger, but I miss her still, very much until this day. Which is normal, because hurt is a human emotion that everyone is allowed to feel. 

I don’t like telling this story, because I feel like its an excuse of stupid pain I don’t know. I can’t even describe how weird it feels.

When my nan eventually passed away, I started getting extremely anxious, but not in a regular person way, I started getting panic attacks. And the worse part is I was too scared to tell my parents because I was scared of being weird also, they’d been through enough already.

I then started hating myself, and I went to a dark place, and even though my parents didn’t talk to me about it, they knew. I know they knew.

It’s taken me 8 years to truly kind of get a grip of myself. And now, I’m a 19 Year old who suffers with anxiety attacks but who’s going to university and actually trying hard with her life. And that’s okay, it’s okay to push forward. It’s okay to be happy. It’s okay that you can’t save everyone. 

Love exists, irregardless of whether that person is physically with you or not.

I don’t know why I’ve decided to write this, I think I just wanted to get it out there because I’ve hurt, for a long time. It’s hard for me to tell this story, but it’s okay. It’s out there now.

Thank you for reading, I hope you’re okay.

Lots of love,

Sophie 

Dear you,

2 am thoughts. 

I’m a big fan of how I met your mother, a TV series, which has an episode talking about how “nothing good happens after 2 am.” In some ways I do agree – it’s staying your mind is not at its most active to make a full/correct decision. I agree that sometimes bad things can happen after 2 am, but bad can happen before, and personally having your brain be in a place where you say what you want to say without realising, it’s good. 

Be honest, be true, it doesn’t matter what time it is, make yourself happy. 

Always thinking, never sleeping,

Sophie