Featured

Dear you #25,

Life kind of sucks, and I’m sorry I have to say that.

Being stuck in a bad mental space can cause you so many problems.

It can make you feel so lonely, and being lonely can make you feel stuck.

Stuck in a place where no one can hear you cry, where no one can see you hurt and no one can help you by.

Even when a tiny spark of good comes along, a massive rain cloud can screw you over again.

But, I’m being dramatic.

I’ve got friends, I’ve got family. I know I’m cared about.

I think I’m cared about. I hope I’m cared about.

But this is the problem.

You’re stuck in this place. A box you’ve built yourself. No way in and no way out. You’re in this alone.

You did this to yourself.

These kinds of bad days cause the good days to look dim.

You suddenly make yourself afraid to let anyone in.

You look at yourself and think the worst. I’m damaged. I’m broken. I’m not doing good.

Here you are again, back to your old ways. Pushing everyone you love away.

You’re nothing more than just a body of water.

You’re no longer your daddy’s daughter.

Family has become so distant, you’re not even realising you’re the one who caused it.

You’re making yourself worse because that’s what you know. You’re stuck in this loop of feeling low.

A bad mental day, can turn into a bad mental week. You’re finding it hard to stay up on your feet.

Your work becomes hard, your love becomes cold. And suddenly you realise you’re fully alone.

Everyone has tried to help. They’ve tried hundreds of times before.

Sometimes you just want to lay on the floor. Pretend you don’t exist, say to yourself ‘it would be easier’.

But why?

Why would stopping yourself entirely make everything better? These are just bad thoughts. These are just bad days.

Right?

Bad days that have turned into bad weeks, bad weeks that have turned into bad times.

Your mental health can bring you down.

But you can make it out alive.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Dear you all,

Sometimes your mental health gets the better of you and you end up in a pretty dark place.

I’ve been stuck in not a great place recently, no ones fault but my own, unfortunately.

Hey, it happens to the best of us.

I wrote this down in order to try and process what was going on through my head. Reading it back makes me feel crazy, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t help.

Anyways, my point is that I know this is dark. But no one can expect to be happy at all times. Check on people.

Thank you for reading the dark side of my brain.

Sophie x

PS. I have linked mental health lines that can help when you’re at your darkest in previous posts. I will eventually just create a giant thread for one soon I think.

I’m sorry.

Advertisements
Featured

Dear you #22,

I hope those who dislike change don’t mind my sudden adding numbers to my blog posts, I just feel like it adds an easier sorting system.

Anyways,

Hello once again.

This is a post to remind you lot to keep up-to-date!

I, over the last two months have been suffering with a bad case of glandular fever, what is this?

Google defines it as:

“an infectious viral disease characterised by swelling of the lymph glands and prolonged lassitude. Also called infectious mononucleosis.”

BASICALLY, my glands all over everywhere are fairly swollen and I’m achy.

It’s quite frustrating, but I digress.

I’ve learnt recently, especially being away from home – being sick is not fun when you haven’t got your mum or your family! Luckily enough, I have a boyfriend and a solid group of friends who care about me and look after me! But, it’s not quite the same as having your mum around! (and no, I’m not embarrassed at twenty years old to admit that I’m missing my mum and family!)

Once again, we are extremely lucky may I remind you all, that we all have mobile phones/ laptops or computers that let us get in contact with our loved ones. (Small reminder, if you haven’t call your mum, nan and other caring family members that you haven’t spoken to in a while, they probably want to hear from you!)

Anyways, back to my original point! Glandular fever, it’s taken a lot out of me, I’m tired all of the time and am being told to drink so much water! (ANOTHER side note, keep hydrated – go get a glass of water!)

I just want to remind myself more than anything to be honest with you (or those who are also sick!) that we should be giving our bodies more of a break – they do a lot! Take that week off work if you need to! Sleep in every now and again if you have to, just keep hydrated and healthy! OH! And most importantly happy.

Anyways, I hope you are well, and hope you don’t ever get glandular fever!

Sophie.

Featured

Dear you,

I hate writers block.
I hate writers block.
I hate writers block.
I hate writers block.

Quite honestly, I never planned to make this blog something I wanted to write in weekly – just more when I wanted to. However, I get so physically frustrated when I want to write down how I’m feeling and just can’t get it down. I hate writers block.

I want to tell you I’ve found a way of beating my writers block, but I just haven’t. I hate writers block.

So please if you have a way of beating writers block, tell me, because if you didn’t know – I hate writers block.

help me,

Sophie.

Dear you #28,

Sometimes it’s really hard to keep up.

I realised last night that I love this blog, I love being able to be 100% real with something and not even have to think twice.

I like being able to come on here and be able to get my own experience out and not be scared what people are going to say.

But unfortunately, that’s really hard.

Keeping up to date with something you love can be really hard. Hell, keeping up with friends and family you love can be really hard.

But I’m slowly learning that’s ok.

You shouldn’t punish yourself for having some time for yourself. You shouldn’t feel bad about taking a mental health day or just not going online. It’s completely okay.

I started blogging as a way to get out my creative outlet as well as being able to pour my emotions out so I didn’t have to think about it anymore. Honestly, that’s still what I do with my blog.

It’s just as much as I love it, I’m not going to feel guilty anymore that I don’t always have the time to write.

I love blogging. I love this blog, but I am only human and can only do so much.

Hope you’re doing well,

Sophie.

Dear you #27,

It’s funny how the mind works.

After posting about my dark days and the dark side of my brain, I ended up feeling numb. I wasn’t really aware of how much I had mentally drained myself when I let out everything I was feeling.

I’m happy to say, I’m feeling sort of better.

Maybe not 100%, but does anyone feel 100%?

Having these last few days to reflect on me and my mental health has been interesting, and if anything it had inspired me to talk about something that at some point everyone’s thought about.

Their mistakes.

Everyone makes them, small or big.

Mistakes happen.

And to be honest with you, a lot of the time my mistakes are what send me into a downwards spiral.

I have a part of my brain that likes to randomly replay memories from my past where I make myself cringe or burst out crying. It’s kind of embarrassing.

It’s hard to explain if you don’t get these random flashbacks.

So instead I wrote this:

Sometimes, just sometimes mistakes can make you laugh. Sometimes, just sometimes they can bring back memories of falling down and making your friends laugh because you didn’t get hurt and it was ‘kinda funny really’.

Except, this isn’t always the case.

Sometimes, a lot of the time, mistakes can make you look at yourself in a whole new way.

Why was I like that? Am I still like that?

Please tell me I’m not that person anymore.

Shake it off.

Move on with your day and don’t think about it. Except you do.

You think and think and think about all those times you cried in public or the times you had to run away just to catch your breath. Why did I do that?

Do I still do that?

Sometimes, most of the time, your mistakes can make you feel scared.

Why am I remembering this now? What in my brain wants to hurt me? It’s been years since that happened.

I don’t want to remember me being like that. I don’t want to remember hurting myself like that. I don’t want feel pain like that, again.

But then it gets hard to forget, something you pushed back to the back of your head so you didn’t have to think about it ever again.

But you did, and now that thought it stuck.

Replaying again and again. Stop it, shake it off.

No.

It’s not going away, it’s playing on repeat. How do I make it go away? Why did I scar my brain with that memory.

Now it’s constantly there to hurt me. It’s there to make me remember. Remember all the mistakes I’ve made and all the times I hurt myself because of those mistakes.

It’s hard to get yourself up, when your brain is the one that knocks yourself down.

But, if that’s the case. Remember, to err is human. And that would explain why it hurts.

Because humans are just water, muscle and skin.

I am nothing but something. I am human. I am allowed to make errors, and sometimes that is just what helps make the mistakes go away.

At least for now.

Speak soon.

Sophie.

Dear You #26,

Sometimes the bad days get worse.

Sometimes you feel so bad you can’t get back up again.

I’m hoping to get better honestly, it’s just going to take some time.

I want to get to a point in my life where I make everyone proud of me.

The only thing is that seems forever away.

I studied three years to build myself up, to have myself be torn straight back down again.

I want to get back up to where I’m happy again. It just feels so damn difficult.

I am going to get there though, even if it means doing it alone.

I am going to get better, I promise this to you and to myself.

Sophie

Dear you, a tag:

Dear you, a tag:

Dear you,

Wow, it has been a little longer than once planned. I’m sorry I haven written in a while.

This post is going to be a little different to my normal blog posts, if you want to see something more about me and my first panic attack in university, keep an eye out on Mindful Millie’s (My friend Louise’s blog) as I did a guest piece over there.

…Speaking of Louise, she recently tagged me on twitter to do a ‘Blogtober’ tag! So, here are my answers:

1. What is one candle you MUST light every fall?
My absolute favourite candle for fall is the Yankee Candle in Autumn Nights, which is quite earthy, it has an overwhelming sent of grapefruit, Lavender and Oak. So calming to me.
2. When you think of fall, what does it remind you of?
Fall is 100% one of my favourite seasons, I love Halloween and all that it comes with. When I think of fall I think of oversized jumpers and scary movies.
3. What is your all time favorite fall/Halloween movie?
Well, I am obsessed with horror films, and quite honestly it’s hard for me to pick just one. I quite like all The Conjuring movies, so I’ll probably be watching them this Halloween.
4. What Halloween costume do you have in mind?
Well, my boyfriend and I have worn matching costumes for the last two years (haha, silly I know!) But I think we’re thinking of going for some sort of Rick & Morty! Should be funny!
5. What is your favorite fall trend?
Oversized jumpers, yes please!
6. When you think of fall, what drink comes to mind?
I am such a massive fan of ALL tea’s! At the moment I’m obsessed with chai tea lattes, so I’ll probably drink them with a little more cinnamon!
7. What is your go to fall beauty product? A must have staple!
At this time of year my eczema prone skin will need some moisturiser! Recently my sister bought me the Tatcha Water Cream and honestly it has become my absolute favourite! (Even though it is veeeeery expensive!)
8. Do you prefer apple pie or pumpkin pie?
I’ve actually never had pumpkin pie! So, I’ll choose Apple!
9. Do you have any fall traditions? If so tell us all about it!
I normally meet up with friends and have a laugh every Halloween, even though we are all in our twenties we still dress up!
10. The moment of truth, is fall your favorite season?
Fall is 100% my favourite season! The weather is cooling, the jumpers are coming out! New horror films are coming out every week and it’s just a lovely time!
Now it’s your turn….
Mollie Yaxley get your blog back and running because I tag you! Haha!
Love from,
Sophie x

Dear You #24

I’m sorry it’s been a while. I started this blog for fun quite a while ago, but it became more and more stressful especially going through university. Therefore, I decided to stop.

However, today I handed in my last essay of my last year in university.

It’s an extremely surreal position to be in when you feel like university started yesterday, but it’s an amazing feeling nonetheless.

University was always in my plan, growing up I had a sister who didn’t go to university and then another one that did, both have done great things with their lives. However, I really didn’t know 100% whether university was for me until I actually got there.

These last three years have made me so much stronger of a person, I’ve truly made friends for life here and university has forever changed my life. It sounds cheesy as hell, but it is true. Uni changed my life.

I do want to say this, university is not for everyone, school is not for everyone. But, you should always try.

Anyways,

Until next time.

Sophie